I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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