You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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