is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
