Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she peed on how many people?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize