You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
