so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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