dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
