his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
