fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
