Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I stole a fireplace last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
