She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
