I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
