actually, I'm a sock model
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
