I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
