How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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