so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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