you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
