If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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