I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
