We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
