i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When did angry sex become our thing?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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