I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Pooping to opera.
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