Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
