youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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