I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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