I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
