Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
