Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
