Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We need to get me chipped asap
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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