She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
