I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
