Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
