im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
