Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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