wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
