So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
