Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
