dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
