im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
