You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
