apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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