My sheets look like a crime scene.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
40s are totally the cure
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
