ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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