According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
