do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
