this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
