it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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