I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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