why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
