Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
