I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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