do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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