This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize