If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
