what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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