I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
