I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
