No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
