You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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