i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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