We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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