the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
