She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
