i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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