all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
