Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
