my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize