i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
