VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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