Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
