why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
