My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
