The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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