I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
