If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
