Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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