The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
