saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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