I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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