I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
