this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
