we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
