I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
