i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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