Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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