I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
