im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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