I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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