I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
