nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
