No stitches, just platelets and will power
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize