know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
