I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize