i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
