You can't motorboat a personality
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
